COLORS: Dark Blue, Light Blue, and White
OWNER: Marcus Bolton
COACH: Jerry Burns
The Apple Valley franchise, then known as the Minneapolis Freeze, joined the MFL for the 1999 season and made an immediate impression by finishing in a tie for first place in the regular season. Although the Freeze lost home-field advantage to Fridley based on a tie-breaker and were upset by eventual champions Mankato in the first round, a one-point third place victory over the Ferrets established what has turned into the league's fiercest rivalry.
The Harlots are perennial contenders who have not yet managed to escape the first round of the postseason, but despite their success and two consecutive third-place finishes, they are most famous for the crusty personality and colorful language of their head coach, Jerry "Burnsie" Burns. Rescued from a Columbia Heights nursing home where he had been banished following his difficult years coaching the NFL's Vikings, Coach Burns has cursed, sworn, and expectorated his team into fighting trim and turned them into a band of battle-hardened warriors who are always fighting for the league's top spot.
The Harlots always love to crush a Crustie.
No trouble with Naples!
In the 2000 season, Minneapolis appeared to be out of the playoff hunt with a 4-7 record going into the final stretch, but Burnsie reached new heights of linguistic intensity and drove the Freeze to four straight wins over Vadnais Heights, Ponte Vedra, Naples, and Mankato to beat out the Venom for the last playoff spot. A close loss to Ponte Vedra in the first round of the playoffs was followed by another victory in the third-place game over Westfield, (formerly Fridley), evening out the all-time record between the two bitter rivals at 3-3.
A move to newly constructed Trojan Stadium in the fertilizer-rich fields of Apple Valley has significantly improved the team's finances, and no one will be surprised if the Harlots make the playoffs for the third straight year in 2001. Coach Burns has already publicly predicted a battle for the fourth Loki Cup championship to take place between his squad and the league's defending champions, Savage.
